Monday, November 24, 2008

Nothing here, go here ->

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Confuse! Refusal of self confidence.

I don't know.

I don't really know.

Deritamu ada hikmahnya. Apa saja yang tidak mengikut kehendak hati, itulah derita.
Theres a reason for every suffering. Suffer is anything that against our desired.

Where should I begin my blog. Its a direct story told by heart.

Once again, I had an exam, everyone was just so different than me. They were able grasp something, whereby me, could understand a thing, its like I'm following blind without knowing why.

Everybody was like better than me, and I don't me to envy them because they are better than me but they are way better than me, I'm afraid that I might be left alone, suffering alone in this world, looking around finding something to cling on. But hey lets take it, its life after all.

I was shocked that they able to do such thing with few struggle, and then some able to do it confidently. Astonishingly, why am I feel drop-out so suddenly. Maybe I meet the best of all, I don't really saw the true picture, but its crystal clear, that they able to make it best, but not me. I try to have faith and regain confidence in what I do. Whats in our heart its what we wishes for, so please, make our heart pure.

I might not care about my life, myself, but its doesn't mean I lose hope and faith to Allah, I still hope that we all will granted Husnul Khatimah (the Good End). My life kinda comflicated, but no bother its just small particle of data of people surrounding me, like my friend said, "without us, you are nothing". Its might be true, because without anyone acknowledge my existen, then I won't even exist, but yet Allah might acknowledge my existen, as we all submit to Him and only Him, InsyaAllah. La haula Quwwatau ila billah (All the strenghts are His and only His), we are nothing without Allah.

Here come pin point of my life, my future. Look at my academic status, I'm not in state that I can have an option to choose. I taking life science in Matriculation College, but to be accurate, I'm suppose to be an account student or physical science student this due to my SPM result (1A for Account Principle, 2A for Physic, 3B for Additional Maths), then why am I taking life science (SPM: 4B for Biology), its a daring decision, I still don't know why, maybe I thought I can become a doctor for some reason, but with my present attitude? I must be dreaming, having day dreaming all the time.

This all make me lost confidence in what I should in the future, to be honest Im not even good in everything, up until now, I just let Allah decide everything for me, I don't know if thats right, even when taking exam, for some reason, I really don't know what to answer, Allah saved me all the time, I'm not capable of anything. I still don't know, if this is alright. Few more week, I have to choose my future, and still I had big doubt on what I should take, one wrong move can make my life misrable, I know because of my previous exprience, I know I should take physical science but maybe Allah had decided that I should take life science for some reason, its probably the way of teaching me, I don't know, its confusing.

I would like to be in creative field, probably research and development field, but thats only interest without any sharpen talent. So far i haven't found my true talent, all I know I have an abstract mind, looking into abstract info, sometimes my understanding are not even valid for reality.

Erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I just wrote something weird today, maybe its because I don't sleep yet, and my hand writing by heart. It show how confuse I am. Its weird! Don't read.

tear of fate.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Gud bye kml

Hmn KML is over insyaAllah

long time i havent update this blog.

lets talk some what sort of things just happen to me, first bring back all the bags from kml to home, and yeah? what was i doing, looking back, see all the familliar faces, but dont have guts to start the conversation. well i do some, just get talk to some. weird thing happen, i happen to talk to a guy from kml, i dont realize he were talking to a family of kmlian, u see they all nice people when they were leaving, the shake my hands too, the weird thing the girls which about same my age try to shake my hand.. and i was...

ok then, probably that just for the last, i though, its weird, but the days just being like that, they all so nice, i could use any words, metting people, by just a smile, i make u feels like u had known them for years, i wish i had known all this people and talks something weird with them.

gud bye labuan, gud bye kml, gud bye all the sarawakian, gud bye all the tawauan, gud bye all the lahad datuan, gud bye all the sandakanan, gud bye all the people of okey, because im in kk, theres little chance i might able to meet people in these area. guess whats, probably no because i dont think i like to go out side just for a walk or whatever unnecessary reason.

for some weird reason.............. i just could finish whats i hadnt done..., i felt pity to my freinds and to my self... i just hope Allah forgives me. Hidayah is all He's.

i gonna miss all of them, pity, insyaAllah fate will reunite us together. (Ya Allah lindungilah aku dari Takdir yang buruk yang telah engkau tentukan). I ask protection from Allah before everything else. I get some feeling that I might be able to meet them someday, insyaAllah.. but maybe.. oh well i really... I dont even wanting to extend such relationship, but its probably because, I like (love) all of them (hehe, and im serious)... but i maybe, i leave everything to Allah... Lets Allah decide which one should it be... lala

overthetime, people might just forget who i was, who they were. I theres little chance people might remember, theres nothing that will last forever, its just fate(eh this words too familiar to me). One some degree... i do understand that, life is not that simple, i tend to look away when things get worse, and walk all alone into darkness. eh??? whats this all about.

i miss all the tawauan, and its language, we use to talk in their slangs, funny we were able to adapt to such slangs, my friend able to adapt to bruneian slangs, erghh its seem hard for me to follow, i think i can follow how the chinese talk, indian, kadazan-dusun, murut, suluk, bajau, indon, omm, and so on, on which i usually meet at kk, but the bruneian is hard to adapt maybe i need to go study in brunei, hei brunei oso have university u know, ahu bah haha.

the sarawakian language of malay, seem to have adapted the bruneian language more than sabahan adapating it. sik ada la, hehe. maybe because sabah was not under brunei for such long because we were under sulu sultanate.

why do i talk much about this.............

maybe kml is good place, its a place where al the mighty mind gather, funny after so much geniuses, we still unable to build airplane... theres no leader, there no leader to reunite all those brain together linking it to form a gigantic trafic of mind, plus tiny little traffic of information in our brain that turning the galaxy railway into small little molecule of life cell.

in kml, influence and lotsa influence change every single person, to be good, just good, or awesome and bad, or just alcoholic drunken master, and so on, i met a person who had never pray jumaat, i met a person who so obsess with his jemaah movement, i met person who so obsess with some weird thing. why? why? why? do we look that other are sooooo wrong when we never revised our action justificationly.

i met girls who friendly, yea like to smile, like that smile (astagfirullah al azim), i met girl who protect what they should see, they dont even look a man when talking to them, we they all nice, i just like to see them wearing the tudung labuh, i like this type of girl (-.-)

i begin to learn and confuse more about aqidah... bad news,.... but for time being just follow whats imam As-Syafie does, well i dont know, i just do what people does, maybe thats the correct way, isnt that suppose to mean, taqlik buta... follow something blindly.. no........ thats not the right way... then?

leaving all the bad side, i do remember my kuliahan, haha... nice, our row all most all guys, infront and back are all girls, we seldomly talks to them, yeah thats kinda nice, we do know each other better, but some my says that such relationship might no be so beneficial. there nothing worth to much, but i do know if we take good care of our self and distant, on which me limits our self from thing that we shouldnt, its all alright. they all are so nice.

the tutorialan, are all so friend, eventhough they all are naughty some times, i do hate to take a picture, for some reason.. donno maybe i dont have guts for that. plus, i dont want to take a picture with just me and a girl -.-, girls think back, would u want ur husband to have a picture with other girls? absolutely not!!! but for the sake of friendship i might take some picture with them with some distant not too near, sorry, i have my own principle, please do respect that.

moreover.......................... i miss u all, im so sad.... oh well, just forget about me, i think thats just better for all of us.

for the sake of Allah. hope that Allah will grant us Husnul Khatimah (the good end).

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Aku suka tawau.
Try ni

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Walk for Allah

2 days and half.

On Jan 19 2008, perhaps the day that turning my life.

Everyday was almost a sunnah. It is the way of life.

"Theres no gods but Allah, and Muhammad s.a.w. is His messenger."

Rely one fully to only Allah, not to His creation.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Coincident of Fate

Destined fate.

Coincident? or Fate? or maybe it is Coincident of Fate. But who know, I also don't know, just let it be.

Everytime, I think, Im getting far... far away, as much as I hate been distant from other, yet it is as much as I love to be distant from other. I just love it whenever I'm alone, but I tend to feel lonely, its like I'm needing somebody else around me to support me, but is that really what I want? I'm totally confuse.

It is probably just a coincident that I meet them, but then again I do believe in fate. My mind just struggling hard to think that why I always meet such people, is it because I'm just like them? I try to not admit it, but sometimes I do found some qualities resemble of me.

We are all alike.